One day morning, I woke up as usual and went down the stairs dreamily. To my shock, I saw a stranger who was sunk in sleep lie on the sofa as if nothing had happened. Then I found that all the things were turned over and spread at sixes and sevens. Moreover, the thief ate all the food in the refrigerator. He also drank several beers and got drunk. After I saw that, I began to shout loudly in order to get rid of my fear. Before long, the thief woke up and took out a gun then he shouted at me,” Be quiet, or I will shot you.” Then I secretly put my hand into my pocket and found that I had a cell phone. Alarmingly, I called the police. Soon, the police arrived and burst open the door. The thief was so astonished that he couldn’t move. Then the police handcuffed the thief and sent him to the police station. Thanks to the police arrived in time; I could depart from the danger. I think that this was the most frightening experience I have ever had.
burst open 有點怪怪的
回覆刪除thanks to 後面加名詞喔
分號應該改成逗號就好了吧~
最後一段時態有點混亂
字詞和轉折詞用的很好耶:D
"Then I found that all the things were turned over and spread at sixes and sevens." 這句看不懂耶,然後spread要用過去式
回覆刪除1.went down the stairs→改成went downstairs比較好~
回覆刪除2.~a stranger who was sunk in sleep lie on the sofa ~要去掉其中一個動詞唷!
3.第六行的 ~at me,”Be quiet, or I will shot you.”→引號可以都改成英文的"~"，或是“~”，有點不一樣!
Then I found that all the things were turned over and spread at sixes and sevens.有點怪
回覆刪除整個故事進展好快
不過字用的超讚
I think that this ~把that省掉會不會比較好看
回覆刪除整個故事都很流暢害我沒辦法改錯
Be quiet, or I will shot you. shot要改成shoot喔
回覆刪除Thanks to ~ 那個後面是不是要接名詞?
然後轉折流暢真讚
第六段shot是不是該打shoot?
回覆刪除shot不是過去式或名詞嗎???
spread at sixes and sevens看不太懂QQ
不過spread三態同形所以沒錯!
went down the stairs 是went downstairs
回覆刪除Be quiet, or I will shot you裡面應該是shoot吧!
burst open 看不懂 open是妳的主要動詞,那burst要改吧
Thanks to the police arrived in time
to是介係詞所以後面應該是arriving